It's the strangest of feelings

Applying for jobs is a strange thing. Part of me feels optimistic as I sit there thinking, "That would be a great job for me." The other bit is all worried that I'm basing my life on a pipe dream.

It's odd. With most things you can work towards doing something you want to do. You want to build something, you learn how and you get the bits, you go ahead and build it. Applying for a job has a bit too much unknown for my liking. It's completely reliant on someone else. A person you have never met and only have limited influence over. You try to maximise your influence over them, by writing a good covering letter and CV, but you are still just left there hoping they're in a good mood that day.

I don't think I'm a control freak to any extreme, but not being in control of your destiny is not the best feeling.

Optimism strikes as you spot a job you like and take that control back as you apply for it. Then it fades as you pass that control back to a stranger and hope fortune favours you.